Yesterday I had one of those strange moments in life when you query your mortality.
I had received a call from the clinic where I recently had my yearly pap smear test. The call was on my answering machine. And as I picked up the phone to call back someone named “Milene”, so many concerns began to occupy my every thought. What is wrong? What if? What do we do? Who do I tell first? And so on and so on. To my initial dismay, Milene was not in and would not be in until the following morning, which is today.
So, with everyone gone off for the day, and my coffee in hand, I sat down this morning at 9:00 sharp to call the clinic. Busy. Called again. Busy. Finally on the third try I reached Milene, who proceeded to explain to me the reason for her call. Turns out it was a follow up to a previous UTI I had and they wanted another urine sample done. Phew!!!! Life continued as usual.
But, it continues with one caveat. What would I do and what would happen to my family if I was faced with any life threatening news? What does any family do? What did my Mom think when she was told she had cancer? How does anyone continue on when they know their precious life is ending?
For me, just the thought that maybe the phone call was bad news, was enough to set my mind in a tailspin. I spent the rest of the day and throughout the night supposing. I tried to think positive – maybe it was a billing matter, or maybe they needed more information, or maybe I just left something in the waiting room. I tried to put out of my mind any negative thoughts but I just couldn’t stop thinking about the “what if”.
I remember my mother, after her diagnosis of colon cancer, saying she was sad and not ready to leave this earth but her thoughts were mainly of us, her children, her grandchildren, and, of course, my father. She said she felt for us. She would not be around to be sad and that we were the ones who ultimately suffer.
Does everyone faced with such incredibly sad circumstances just know that you must accept death, deal with it and live each day to the fullest until the end? I guess so. I would prefer the sudden approach myself, but we are not always in control of our destiny, are we? Fate is described as “that which is inevitably predetermined”. I, for one, am not going to sit around and wait for my final outcome. Today, I am enjoying life, grateful for what I have, knowing that my family is healthy and happy.
Winds of Fate
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life:
'Tis the set of the soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox